Beware.. this post is pretty choppy.  

Like the title says, I have a million thoughts going through my head and this is a written snapshot of a few of them.

It’s late and I’m still working.  I’m working at my kitchen table typing snippets of blog posts, checking emails, checking Facebook, and making sure my websites are all up to date.

I’ve been very busy the past week, with family in from out of town.  We stayed at a cottage for a few nights at Callaway Gardens in west Georgia, and have been visiting local attractions like Georgia Aquarium.

While walking through the aquarium today, it hit me that tomorrow (Friday July 27th) marks one week before my surgery.  I’m scared about the surgery.  I’m having my tonsils removed after struggling with all sorts of illnesses since I was a child.  Tonsillitis, Mononucleosis, and possibly some other illnesses that end in itis or osis as well as chronic throat pain.

I know that having my tonsils removed is a good thing and will improve my quality of life but the actual act of having them removed and the two or three weeks that follow is what scares the daylights out of me.  I don’t like that I am going to be on general anesthesia and that I’m going to be in pain for some time after the surgery.  I don’t like that someone will have to take care of me and my kids for at least a week.  My ENT made sure to tell me how painful having tonsils taken out is for adults.  Our tonsils are much larger than a child’s which is why recovery time is longer for adults than for children.

So in a nutshell, I have been scared, nervous, anxious, and stressed for the past couple of weeks which is wearing my mind and body out.

I think I’ve been working and doing more lately just to keep my mind off of the surgery.  All subconsciously of course.  I would never work more just for the fun of it.

On a more positive note, I was lucky enough to go to Santa Fe, New Mexico a couple of weeks ago, with a couple of friends Desiree and Stacie, which helped keep my mind off of the upcoming surgery and I am very happy that some of my family is visiting from out of town now.  I don’t know what I’d do if I hadn’t been so busy the past few weeks preparing for their visit and for being out of commission for a couple of weeks after surgery.

I’ll be missing the popular blogger conference, BlogHer ’12, this year which I’m pretty bummed about but I’ll enjoy keeping up with BlogHer via posts on my friend’s Facebook pages and blogs during the conference.  That’s if I’m not sleeping or too drugged up on pain meds to read after the surgery.

How will I not freak out the day before surgery? I keep asking myself, is it worth it to have my tonsils taken out or should I just deal with the health issues? I worry that if something happens to me, I’m leaving my kids and that I’m making a conscious decision to have the surgery so it would be my fault.  I’m just worried.