Category Archives: Not A Perfect Parent Series

Not a Perfect Parent: Surviving 2 Birthdays, a Dance Recital, and Mother’s Day

May 11, 2015Not A Perfect Parent Seriesbirthday party, Health, life, parentingAlicia

I am, quite frankly, surprised I am still semi-sane after the last couple of weeks. I was a little worried about when and if my survival techniques would kick in. So much has been happening. Let me premise this post by saying that life is great, I am a happy parent, and things could always be worse.

In the last few weeks I’ve had two MRIs of my brain and brain stem and found out that I have a thing on my eye that could be cancerous, or not. I’m hoping for not. The way I look at it is that there are a lot of things that *could* be cancerous. My opthamologist dives head first into anything that concerns him in the slightest so here’s to hoping that he’s being overly cautious about this thing on my eye. My dr. said he isn’t worried enough about it to do a biopsy so that’s good news! I could just have a freckle on my eye.. funny, but true!

Here’s a timeline of the last couple of weeks and what’s coming up:

May 1st – Tim’s 40th birthday
May 1st – I found out about my eye issue
May 5th – Madelyn’s dance recital
May 9th – Madelyn’s 9th birthday
- Decorate, pick up cake, and last minute goodies – AM
- Party with friends 1-3pm
- Take Sebastian to pick up dance date 5pm
- Party with family 5-9pm
May 9th – Sebastian works at nature center (on Madelyn’s birthday)
May 9th – Sebastian’s school dance at night (on Madelyn’s birthday)
May 10th – Mother’s Day
May 10th – Sebastian starts Final Exam Reviews online (4 hours a night for 5 nights)
May 12th – Madelyn’s first ever play with acting class (5:30 – 8pm)
May 12th – Sebastian’s last band concert (6-8pm) – I need a clone – how do I pull this off?

Let’s get started..

It all started with Tim’s 40th birthday. He didn’t want a big party so it was easy enough to plan.
The morning of his birthday I had a follow up appointment with my opthamologist because I failed two visual field tests recently, had laser iridotomy on both eyes for angle closure, and needed to make sure the procedures did some good. The dr. had ordered the MRIs mentioned above, which I followed through with in late April and got clear results for a few days later. During the follow up appointment, the dr. found a spot on my eye – also mentioned above. While I was at my appointment, Tim went to get his emission inspection for his car registration and tag renewal and his Ford Mustang FAILED the inspection. A couple hours later he left the repair shop having spend almost $400 to repair his car – that didn’t include the cost of tag and registration. Kind of a bummer of a morning and beginning to Tim’s 40th birthday.

Next thing I knew, were a week out from Madelyn’s 9th birthday so guess how invitations went out – No, I didn’t buy cute invitations at the store or send them via Evite. I TEXTED parents a simple “can your child come to Madelyn’s 9th birthday party this Saturday?” invite! That was pretty embarrassing. I almost went into a long explanation about why I was texting invitations instead of sending them to school or via email – which was because I had been so stressed about my eye situation and general health issues (sick, neck pain, etc) – but who really cares? Everyone has issues, whether it’s health, stress, being over-scheduled. My issues are no more important than yours so I simply asked if their child could come, without apology for the late notice or explanation on why the invitation was given on such short notice. I felt like unorganized-mom-of-the-year. Lucky for me most of the parents responded promptly.

Dance Recital – May 5th

Madelyn had a dance recital the Tuesday before her birthday. Tim was scheduled to work which was a bummer because Madelyn’s used to both of us being at her recitals. I explained to her that it was going to be just her and I and she accepted it. The afternoon of the recital I helped her get ready and we left the house 45 minutes early because I saw that a gas line burst on the main road we take to get to the venue and traffic was horrendous. We arrived 5 minutes before showtime. Then Tim called. He said he was on the way to the recital..from work! Given that his work is not nearby, I was nervous he wasn’t going to make it in time to see Madelyn’s dance and he would be upset given that he left work which is a rarity. The stars aligned and he made it not only on time but the show didn’t start until about 15 minutes after he arrived so he got to see her dance and she saw him and she could hardly contain herself on stage when she saw him. It was adorable!

Madelyn’s 9th Birthday – May 9th

At first Tim said he wasn’t going to be off work the day of her birthday. It’s unfortunate but it happens. He’s in the restaurant business and when you’re in the restaurant business you don’t get holidays like Mother’s Day weekend – the weekend Madelyn’s birthday fell on this year – off. My jaw dropped when he told me he wouldn’t be off. How was I going to plan a party BY MYSELF? Ultimately it all worked out. He was able to take the day off and help with the party. I’m no June Cleaver or one who enjoys being busy, busy, busy. The idea of planning a home birthday party, even with Pinterest at my fingertips, is the equivalent of having to go to the library with a fussy three year old in tow, to write a Thesis. You just wouldn’t do that – on purpose.

Madelyn was pretty bummed that Sebastian wouldn’t be around on her birthday because he was schedule to work at the nature center from 9am-4pm then he was going to a school dance from 5pm-10pm. She was bummed and I was stressed about that. A dance? He’s not a center of attention, social kind of guy so he was pretty nervous.

That said, I pulled the day off and actually had fun! I decorated inside and outside, balloons on the mailbox and everything! The party was two hours but seemed like 30 minutes. We had two scavenger hunts, an acting skit, cake, presents, and playtime. Madelyn had a blast!

Mother’s Day – May 10th

I bought my mom a Mother’s Day card when I bought wrapping paper for Madelyn’s gifts at Target a week before her birthday. Finding the card on Mother’s Day was a bit of an issue. After much searching and a bit of panic, I found the card on the refrigerator, where I put it the day I bought it.. for safe keeping. 🙂 Tim had to work at 9am Mother’s Day. I slept in. When I woke, Madelyn presented me with two miniature Orchids. One from her and one from our puppy. Really.

In the interim, and after Sebastian rolled out of bed around noon, the kids and I played Monopoly, one of Madelyn’s birthday presents. The kids did what they do during the game – bickered. I kept thinking “It’s Mother’s Day, you can’t bicker on Mother’s Day!”. Well, there is no such thing as a perfect day I decided.

Around 2pm, after playing Monopoly for two hours, I received an email reminding me that Sebastian’s online final exam review classes start at 4:30pm – that day! Considering I was hoping to take the kids to my mom’s house, fix her dinner to celebrate Mother’s Day, and hang out with her for a little while, I panicked seeing as how it was already 2:00. What kind of child am I if I only stop by my mom’s house for an hour and a half on Mother’s Day? What kind of mom and I that I didn’t realize that Sebastian’s final exam reviews started that day?

I took a deep breath and realized that my mom would appreciate any time we spend with her – any day. She’s not one that likes being pampered. She likes attention and effort and that’s what we gave her.

When we were about to leave to head to my mom’s house I asked Madelyn if it would be ok for me to give one of the Orchids to my mom, her grandmother. She said “sure, you can give the one Cody gave you, to Grandmother”. Sigh of relief! Pulled that one off!

The weekend ended fabulously with us having spent time with my mom, Sebastian being home to start his final exam review at 4:30, and Madelyn and I played a fun game of Life and then Monopoly – until after her bedtime. She gave me discounts on rent on her properties because it was Mother’s Day. 🙂

What a great weekend!

Now I have to get through the next two days. Then I’ll be fine. Sebastian’s last band concert of the school year is Tuesday at the same time as Madelyn’s first (ever) play! I want to be at both but as one human being and parent, I clearly make that happen. 🙁

Perfection is something I usually realize is what took place, after the fact. This weekend really was perfect even though things didn’t happen the way I visioned.

Day After Laser Iridotomy on Eye #2 + Questionable Medial Branch Block (Epidural) Results

March 4, 2015Not A Perfect Parent Series, PersonalPersonalAlicia

I am so relieved to be done with medical procedures, for a while at least. 🙂 The last couple of weeks have been quite a medical journey. I’m glad my sister was in town when I found out about Angle-Closure Glaucoma and had the epidural for my neck done or I would have gone crazy with anxiety and stress. Thanks Grech. Just having her here distracted me enough to not be constantly worried about what I was going through.

I had the Laser Iridotomy on my left eye yesterday and while it was pretty uncomfortable – the zapping of the lasers in my eyeball and all, I feel better today than I did the day after they did the right eye last week. I had an intense headache after the Laser Iridotomy yesterday and slept for a couple of hours.. something I don’t do in the middle of the day hardly ever. Madelyn asked if the eye surgery was going to take the purpleness out from under my eyes. Anyone care to recommend an amazing under-eye concealer?

Today I’m struggling with whether or not the epidural (technically referred to as a Medial Branch Block) I had almost two weeks ago, worked. I HATE to think it didn’t work, but my neck really hurt yesterday. I was hoping the pain was a result of the stress and anxiety over the Laser Iridotomy I was getting ready for yesterday afternoon, but my neck still hurts today. I am going to give it a few more days and will call my physical therapist to schedule a dry needling or trigger point massage session if the pain isn’t substantially better by Friday. The spine surgeon said that if the Medial Branch Block worked this time we would go with Radiofrequency Neurotomy next time which would relieve the pain forever, since a heat lesion is created on the nerves with the goal of interrupting the pain signals to the brain, thus eliminating pain. Sounds great right.. but I have to feel definite relief from the Medial Branch Block in order to move to the next step so I’m a little frustrated that I might not be getting that relief, putting us back to (almost) square one as far as a treatment plan is concerned.

Meanwhile, I’m excited to be going to my 4th private yoga therapy session tomorrow. Carolyn, my yoga teacher, has not only taught me yoga poses and stretches that help with my neck pain but she’s also taught me breathing techniques that help with pain and stress. Nowadays, there’s a good chance my kids will walk into my office and see me with my eyes closed, on the floor, breathing slowly and deeply, unbeknownst to them, creating a happier more relaxed mom. For the last two weeks I’ve been practicing the pigeon and warrior poses so hopefully I can pull them off without falling on my face tomorrow. I just realized I can’t drive myself to yoga tomorrow. Shoot.. I guess I need to stop writing and figure out how I’m going to get to yoga tomorrow.
To the right is the photo I chose for how I’m feeling today.

Even though things aren’t always the way we’d like them to be, it’ll work out if you do your best and make the best of the situation.
It wasn’t an ideal situation but Sebastian parked his bike in this flooded bike rack, it did the job and turned out to be just fine. 🙂
That’s it for today.

I have updates on the dog situation and organization around the house that I’m excited to share in another post so stay tuned. 🙂

– Alicia

Note to readers: When I write posts like this (personal posts), I often don’t proofread it because I will then edit and delete for hours or never actually publish the post. Run-on sentence and grammatical errors are to be expected.

Weekend Recap: Missing My Sister, Glaucoma Diagnosis, and a Chaotic Calendar

March 2, 2015Not A Perfect Parent Series, PersonalAlicia

My sister, Grechen, left town Thursday after being in Atlanta for a week so I was sad and going through withdrawls Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I miss her living in Atlanta. She lives in Dallas – so far away. While she was in town we didn’t do anything major, like outdoor stuff, because it’s been so darn cold in Atlanta but we got to spend some time alone, sans kids, which was really nice. Our time alone was mostly spent in the car travel to and from my doctor’s appointments and stores. I shop more when she’s in town than I do in an entire year I think! The Friday after she arrived I had an appointment with the Opthamologist during which he informed me that I have Angle-Closure Glaucoma and needed to have Laser Iridotomy on both eyes ASAP. WHAT? No one was with me to hear what the doctor was saying and anyone who knows me, knows that I don’t process surprise/unexpected information well. I was in a bit of a haze. I spent the rest of Friday and most of the weekend sort of in shock that I have Glaucoma.

Saturday evening, a couple whose kids Grechen and I grew up with in Florida and some here in Georgia, came to my mom’s house to have dinner and see Grechen whom they hadn’t seen in perhaps 20 years. We had a good time catching up with them. Sebastian spent the day at Supercross with a friend so I was kind of bummed he wasn’t there to see everyone but Madelyn was there and was on her best behavior, thank goodness. My first eye laser procedure was Tuesday at 2:00 so I was pretty anxious all morning.

At some point, twice while she was here actually, Grechen and I went to Whole Foods, a special treat for me because I don’t go out of my 8 mile radius due to time constraints, very often. I bought the most delicious raspberry thumbprint cookies (here’s a recipe) and tried a new flavor of KeVita Sparkling Probiotic drink, Pomegranate. Exciting, right?

Despite my concern, I made it through the first Laser Iridotomy just fine last Tuesday. I get the other eye done tomorrow. Yay lasers! 😉 I keep thinking I shouldn’t say here how the Laser Iridotomy felt so I don’t scare anyone away from having the procedure done if they need to, but gosh.. I could actually feel the lasers. My eye was numbed but I had to wait about 30 minutes before the procedure so maybe the numbing medicine wore off? The feeling of the lasers was just strange at first.. for the first 93 lasers. I thought we were finished when the doctor and nurse lifted me out of the chair but they were just leading me to the next, more intense, laser. The doctor said he only had to do 8-10 lasers on the second machine so that was a relief but it was more uncomfortable than the first for sure.

From WebMD: Some people feel a mild but sharp sensation in the eye during this procedure. But there usually is no pain after laser iridotomy.

I will get my eyeglass prescription filled about a week after the second Laser Iridotomy, which is exciting. I got the prescription in November but thought I could get by with reading glasses. Clearly that’s not working for me as anything about 15 inches or closer is a bit blurry. My sister recommended I get glasses from Warby Parker, an online eyeglasses store that also has a brick and mortar store in Atlanta. Their frames with a basic prescription are just $95! I’m trying to decide whether to go to the local store, outside my 8-mile radius, to try frames on or to take advantage of their Home Try-On program. The program allows customers to choose 5 frame styles online and have them delivered to my home to try for 5 days. Pretty cool, right?

As far as this week is concerned, I am anxious about all that’s on our schedule and the fact that Tim won’t be around much to help with the schedule. Our carpool group consists of 3 families and I feel like we’re definitely not putting in a fair share this week but that’s because of my eye procedure Tuesday and Tim’s schedule the rest of the week. With Madelyn being in elementary school and Sebastian in high school, it can be difficult for one parent to pull of transportation to and from for both. There are millions of single moms that do it though, so who am I to complain? It’s when the kids activities overlap like his tutoring is from 5-6 while her piano class on the other side of town is also from 5-5:30, that I get overwhelmed. Granted, that kind of overlapping is not common but even figuring out in my head how to coordinate be at Sebastian’s school to pick he and his carpool buddies up from school at 3:30, with Madelyn in the car who got home at 3:00, who gets car sick easily, and having to get to one of her classes by 4 or 5.. it’s a lot! There’s no time for downtime, a snack, to do homework, etc.. I NEVER expected to be a parent of kids who are on the go so much. It’s not for any reason other than they are taking classes or participating in activities that they WANT to do. But when it comes down to it; getting there, etc.. that’s when the anxiety sets in.

On that note, I’ll end this post and work on streamlining our schedule for this week! I use my Moleskine weekly notebook but even it gets too cluttered to understand. For years I used an amazing planner called the Busy Body Book.. I LOVED it. It allowed me to keep everyone’s schedule in columns, for each day but it was discontinued. I wish Moleskine would come out with a family friendly weekly planner!

The photograph of the flower at the top of this post is one taken by Sebastian at Leu Gardens in Orlando.

– Alicia

6 Tried-and-True Stress Management Techniques for Kids

January 15, 2015Health, Not A Perfect Parent Series'Not A Perfect Parent' Series, anxiety, Stress Relief for KidsAlicia

If you are a long time reader here, you know I have two kids; a 15-year-old son and a 8-year-old daughter. Having kids so far apart in age and opposite gender makes it difficult to give each child the attention I feel they need whether it’s by helping with homework, entertaining him or her, or mediating a disagreement between the two.

I feel like I’m constantly being torn between two lives, the life of being a mom to a single-child daughter and the life of a mom of a single-child son. Sounds weird, I know.. but that’s the best way to describe how I feel. It really stresses me out that my kids don’t interact with either other the way I hoped they would but I have to also keep in mind that life is not a piece of cake for them, for the same reasons it’s not a piece of cake for me. They get stressed too and I’ve been on a mission to learn the best techniques to alleviate that stress in my kids.

That said..

Thеrе аrе many reasons аnd circumstances thаt саn cause stress іn kids, not just having an opposite gender sibling with a large age gap. Evеrу child faces stressful situations іn his or her life since due tо school problems, family problems and even peer pressure. Tests аnd class work grades аrе a major cause оf worry аnd stress іn children. Similarly stress іѕ аlѕо caused іf thе child finds оut thаt hе іѕ different frоm thе rest due tо аnу physical deformity. I’m not talking about major deformities here. My daughter has a couple of teeth that are growing in awkwardly and she has come home from school on more than one occasion to tell me that a classmate said her teeth look weird. Since then, she’s been anxious to get braces.

Children find іt difficult tо endure stress; аnd thе problems саn become more serious аnd complex whеn children grow uр. I’ve learned from my own dealings with excess stress, that it саn lead tо problems like stomach upset, headaches, even migraines, irritability, tantrums оr even complete withdrawal from family and friends, even at a young age. For these reasons, іt іѕ so important tо reduce our child’s stress. Parents/guardians оr teachers play аn important role іn helping kids іn getting rid оf stress.

Here аrе 6 stress-reducing tips that work for my family

Healthy Communication
Healthy communication bеtwееn you and your child іѕ essential fоr you tо be able tо understand your child’s problems. It’s a fact that children do nоt сlеаrlу discuss thеіr problems wіth parents. Thеrеfore, you ѕhоuld keep а check оn аnу unusual behavior оf your child аnd іf he or she does nоt speak uр, you muѕt try tо communicate аnd understand your child’s problem.

Parental Attitude
Children learn frоm your attitude so you must have а positive attitude аnd teach your children how import a good attitude is. Negativism often leads tо worry аnd stress whеrеаѕ, optimism саn help tо relieve stress. Convince your child thаt thеrе саn bе а solution tо а problem аnd your child do nоt have tо worry а lot.

Physical Comfort
Physical touch іѕ very important fоr а child аnd іt аlѕо helps а child tо get оvеr stress. Don’t hesitate tо hug оr convey your love tо your child. Make your child realize thаt you wіll always bе thеrе tо support аnd protect your child.

Sports аnd games аrе great stress busters
Puzzles, board games, аnd card games are a great diversion for a stressed child because your child will need а lot оf concentration in order to win the game. It’s important to encourage your kids tо play outdoor games whісh саn refresh thеіr mind and give them fresh air. My son has learned to head outdoors when he starts feeling stressed. He’ll spend time in a tree or exploring the stream near our house when he feels anxious about something. When he comes back indoors, he almost always is relaxed and ready to talk about what is bothering him.

Exercise
Similar tо adults, exercising regularly is one of the most important аnd best stress management methods. Breathing exercises, walking, cycling, stretching exercises саn help tо reduce stress whіlе, punching, kickboxing аrе most effective tо relieve stress аnd аlѕо tension. Aerobic exercises оr dance іѕ аlѕо recommended. Kids love to dance, ride a bike, or even jump on the trampoline. Next time your child gets stressed, anxious or worried, tell them to jump on the trampoline for 10 minutes and see if that helps.

Friends & Pets
Friends play аn important role іn а child’s life аnd аlѕо help іn stress relief аѕ children аrе more comfortable talking аnd being wіth thеm. Children оf аll age groups need time tо relax аnd enjoy wіth thеіr friends. Similarly, playing wіth pets саn аlѕо help kids tо overcome stress. It’s taken me a while to get used to having a puppy, something I never expected to have in my home, but I can see the difference in my kids when they interact with the puppy. The kids smile and immediately calm down just by petting the puppy. I won’t lie and tell you that the puppy doesn’t also cause stress, but that’s more on me than the kids. 🙂

Healthy eating аnd having а balanced diet оr pursuing а hobby аrе important stress relievers. Parents muѕt try tо get involved іn аѕ many оf thеіr kid’s activities аѕ possible. It іѕ recommended fоr parents nоt tо overlook thе symptoms оf stress іn kids. Thе techniques above, are some that I have tried and work for my kids. I hope you can use some of these stress-busting techniques with your kids!

Watch A Boy’s Amazing Reaction To A Horrible Birthday Present And What Comes Next

August 26, 2014Not A Perfect Parent Series'Not A Perfect Parent' Series, kidsAlicia

My son’s birthday is this Friday and we haven’t bought his gift(s) yet. My husband and I will scramble to the stores Thursday while he’s at school I’m sure. Lucky for us, he doesn’t have a long wish list. He’s turning 15 years old and I think he has realized in the last couple of years that anything new he acquires is something else he has to keep up with or keep clean and put away. If only my husband would figure that out! 😉 For his 15th birthday, Sebastian would be happy with a hard shell case for his new Chromebook, a new longboarding helmet, and backpacking and camping gear. He’s pretty easy.

That said, I’m not sure Sebastian would react so gracefully as the young boy below did, if we were to give him a chopping block for his birthday. Watch the video to see what I’m talking about then read on. If you don’t speak spanish, don’t worry about the language barrier, it’s the expressions that are important to watch.

It appears that the boy in the video below has been taught to be:

grateful
gracious
un-entitled
positive
easy going

See more posts in my Not a Perfect Parent series

Aren’t these qualities we’d all like to see in our children?

What’s the deal?

Why are our kids not growing up feeling grateful and positive but instead entitled?

Is it our fault?

Are we like that too and just don’t see it in ourselves?

I have so many questions because this is something that frustrates me a lot.

How would your child react if he/she got a chopping block for their birthday?

I’m pretty sure Madelyn would break down in tears on the spot.

Sebastian on the other hand, would probably try to make the best of it. He’d carve something out of it.

Perhaps a wish list for next year’s birthday so he doesn’t get a chopping block again?

I am not a perfect parent, thus the title of this series, and I am well aware that my kids’ generation has grown up feeling entitled and ungrateful and I’d like for that to change.

Share your thoughts on this post and video in the comments below.

– Alicia