This is part of my new ‘Not a Perfect Parent’ series because much to my dismay, I am not a perfect parent and I need advice sometimes often.
I need to come up with a solution to a problem my 7-year-old daughter and I are dealing with. I would love to get your thoughts and advice on how to deal with this problem that we’re having. This is not a serious, life-changing problem.. just one that my daughter and I have been dealing with for a few years and I am tired of it! That being said, let’s move on to the problem.
When it’s time for the kids and I to go anywhere other than to sports practice I get panicky because Madelyn, my 7-year-old daughter, gets it a tizzy about which shoes she’s going to wear, what socks to wear and what jacket to wear, and finding them all is a hassle much of the time.
The clothes she wears don’t matter. She doesn’t get flustered about her shoes, socks, and jacket because she can’t find the right items to look fashionable oor stylish; she’s not one of those girls yet. She has her days when she puts together a really cute outfit with layers and great color combinations and even a nice mix of patterns, but that’s not the norm.
Here’s what happens…
She either can’t find the shoes she needs to wear because by the time we leave to go somewhere she doesn’t remember where she put her shoes or her brother puts her shoes somewhere to get them away from the puppy, or one shoe gets stuck under the shoe rack in the coat closet and the other shoe got tossed into one of my teenager’s or husband’s shoes and she can’t find it…the list goes on and on.
This happens despite what I consider to be my best efforts to have a routine which includes immediately putting her school shoes in the coat closet right next to the front door as soon as she gets home from school so she knows where they are when she needs them. The jacket situation is a bit different in that she has a few jackets and which jacket she wears is very dependent on the weather or so she says anyway. If there is a slight breeze, she wants to wear her purple light-weight jacket but if there is a chill in the air she wants her pink fuzzy jacket. If it is warm she wants her cream sweater with the wrap around tie. Again, despite my efforts to keep all of her jackets on the coat rack in the foyer, 80% of the time she can’t find *the* jacket she’s looking for.
So the drama begins when she looks for another pair of shoes because she can’t find her favorite shoes that she wore to school earlier in the day then she gets frustrated because she can’t find the *right* shoes.. you know, the shoes that fit just right and don’t rub her ankles the wrong way or squeeze her toes a little too tight. Before she puts her shoes on she has to find socks. Finding matching socks, despite that I put all of her socks in her sock drawer with a match, can become quite a predicament. Maybe she has too many socks.
Within about 3 minutes of me telling her that she needs to get ready to leave the house, she starts freaking out then I freak out because I don’t understand why this happens time and time again, then we’re both a a big bundle of freak-out! Then, we get to get into the car together and enjoy a fun ride to wherever we’re going. 😉
It’s been like this for years and I swear I make an effort to help keep up with her things.
Since writing this post, I have come to the conclusion that the real issue may be that I allow myself to get worked up. I have a tendency to get anxious about things which is exactly why I make an effort to keep things organized and planned; so that losing things and having a crazy freak-out doesn’t happen. But it still does.
Oh, and when I say I “freak out” that means I get a little flustered. I sound like Fancy Nancy don’t I? I don’t raise my voice or get angry. I just get frustrated that the same thing happens over and over despite what I’ve done to keep it from happening. Do you have that issue too?
Is this something that parents just have to deal with because we can’t completely control our children as if they were robots?
Thanks for listening,
Alicia
Do you have a question you want to ask in the new ‘Not a perfect parent’ series? Leave it in the comments below or email your question to me at alicia @ themommyinsider.com, no spaces.
have you tried to have a spot in whatever room your daughter hangs out in the most where she puts her things? like a box or something? maybe if she can get into a habit of putting her things there when she gets home from school or wherever that will be easier. i hope it gets better for you guys quickly!
Andrea, I have tried to have a spot where she puts her things including the coat closet, a coat rack, and a box in the front foyer. Our problem seems to be that some days our routine gets shuffled and things aren’t done in the right order.
My daughter used to misplace her shoes and things too! She was probably 9 before she got into a good after-school routine of putting her things away where they belonged.
What worked for us was to have a list of just a few things that she had to do everyday when she got home from school including putting her backpack by her desk in her room, put her shoes by her door, and wash her hands. Simple things like that. I wrote the list on a medium size chalkboard and hung the chalkboard on a wall right inside our garage door so she saw it every time we got home from school. I also wrote down what activity she had after school each day so as we passed by the garage in the morning, she would see the plan for after school and know what to expect. I know it’s hard to stay on top of everything so just do your best and I’m sure it’ll get better soon.
I’m glad to hear that your daughter grew out of her freak outs by 9 years old. I love the chalkboard idea. I will try that but probably with a white board. Thank you!! 🙂
Don’t let yourself get worked up when your daughter freaks out. She will get over it and maybe if she doesn’t get a reaction from you, maybe she’ll get over it quicker?
You could take all her shoes away except one pair.
You’re right Chris.. but that’s too easy of a solution. 😉
I know what you’re going through and it gets better I promise. I don’t have a magic solution for you but just stay calm and carry on as they say. I love your new not a perfect parent series and will probably ask questions of my own here! Thx!
Thanks B. I try to stay calm but sometimes it just gets so redundant that it’s difficult. Luckily, me not being calm is nothing more than a feeling of anxiety. 🙂 I look forward to your questions for my Not a Perfect Parent series!
I’m so glad you’re posting about not being a perfect parent. I’ve shared this post with moms in my mom group, maybe they’ll have some feedback for you. I am a mom of 6 and no matter how hard I try, I can’t be a perfect parent. I have a question for the series –
When you have more than 3 kids, how you do get each of them to sports or after-school activities without being totally stressed out? Marie
Whoa! I can not imagine having six children! You must be pretty amazing to keep even up with them all! I will include your question in the series, thank you!
OMG! I know exactly what you’re talking about! My 9 year old daughter freaks out when we leave to go to the store and even sports practices. I think part of her problem is that she has too many pairs of shoes and jackets.. she can’t choose. Good luck!
I went through the same thing with my son. He would get upset whenever it was time to leave the house because he couldn’t find anything he wanted to take with him, not just shoes. Maybe you could have your daughter get ready even earlier than you already do so she has extra time? I hope things get worked out soon!
That’s a great idea Susan. I could give her an hour to get ready. 😉